I’m a clergy spouse…get me out of here!

Each summer sees people being ordained into ministry and starting new posts in churches across the country. With each married person who is ordained a new clergy spouse (CS) is created. With the ordination generally comes many big life changes – where you live, work and worship being just some of them. You may have had to move while your children still had a few weeks of school to finish and/or have had to deal with the new house, guests and preparing a celebration while your other half (OH) goes on pre-ordinaton retreat. You may have had to keep small children entertained throughout a long ordination service. Even if you have not had any major stressors to contend with you find yourself in a new role – you are now someone married to a clergy person. You may have gone into this knowing exactly what you think about being a CS or without a clue. You may be incredibly excited about this new adventure or have some significant reservations. Whatever your situation you may find yourself going through a steep learning curve as the dust settles following ordination. Continue reading

Relocation, relocation, relocation

Relocation is generally an unavoidable aspect of clergy spouse (CS) life. If your other half (OH) is a stipendiary minister you are likely to move several times. If your oh is a self-supporting minister you still find yourself in a relocation of role even if you have not moved geographically. At this time of year in particular many clergy and ordinand families are in the midst of adjusting to a new life. With ordinations over the summer many are at the start of curacies while others are starting at theological college – this is a very intense few years for these families as they will go through 2 major relocations within 2 or 3 years. September is the ‘back to business as usual’ month and now that the moving dust has settled this is perhaps the time when reality really starts to hit. The point where the novelty of being called ‘the new curate’s wife’ has truly worn off or you are really starting to miss your friends and family. I have now been through 2 relocations and have a few thoughts to offer.

  1. Let yourself grieve

There is always some sort of loss in moving even if you welcome the change. You have left something behind whether it be friends, family, job, house, church or a favourite cafe. Sometimes it is not something so tangible – when I married my OH a few weeks after his ordination and moved to his curacy placement I was in some ways mourning the loss of other possibilities and the life I had once expected to have. There is nothing wrong in being sad and taking some time to mourn. This is not self-indulgent but actually the first step to moving forward. Continue reading